Autism: "Doobee Or Not Doobee?" - And Never The Twain Shall Meet
My sister in law called me the other day with a question. As the mom of two neurotypical teenage boys, she faces her own unique set of challenges, totally dissimilar to mine, as I am an autism mom.
The situation was a friend of her eldest son had advertised himself as "smoking pot". Whether or not this was actually true remains to be proved, however she was perplexed as to what to instruct her son to do regarding continuing to "hang out" with this other teenager.
She posed the question to me asking what would I do if I found that one of my son's friends was using drugs. Now, remember my son is 16 also but has autism.
So, I admit when she first posed the question my mouth was open but nothing came out. I didn't have an answer for her. I knew she wasn't dwelling on the fact that Joey has autism and the likelihood of one of his friends smoking pot, though not impossible, is highly unlikely.
While this is not necessarily a situation in a young life worth celebrating, I was left with that tugging feeling, knowing that this is just one more problem that I as an autism mom, will probably NOT encounter.
We ended the text conversation and I was left staring at the mental image of that list that some autism moms know all too well. The "things my kid will probably never do" list.
Things like:
Worrying about getting driver's license
Not having enough money to buy his own car
Being upset about finding a date for the prom
Not making the track, football or basketball team
Deciding what college to apply to
Having a girlfriend and getting dumped by that girlfriend
I thought of the two young men, my son and my nephew. I thought of the dichotomy between a neurotypical teenager and one with autism. Both approximately the same age but living in two different worlds.
Is my son, in a way, better off that he will not have to deal with some of these normal passages into adulthood? Is his innocence to his betterment? Is worrying about missing a "Finding Nemo " VHS tape less stressful than worrying about "finding a job"?
Or is it me? My Mom used to say " you can't miss what you never had". Perhaps my son will not feel the loss of some of these average teenage experiences. But I will feel the loss. I must stop imposing my perception of what his life should be compared to other teens. I must let him live his own life on his own terms. The two young adults are not the same and never will be...and never the twain shall meet.
Oh, East is
East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet,
Till Earth and Sky stand presently at God's great Judgment Seat;
But there is neither East nor West, Border, nor Breed, nor Birth,
When two strong men stand face to face,
tho' they come from the ends of the earth!
by: Rudyard Kipling
East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet,
Till Earth and Sky stand presently at God's great Judgment Seat;
But there is neither East nor West, Border, nor Breed, nor Birth,
When two strong men stand face to face,
tho' they come from the ends of the earth!
by: Rudyard Kipling
