Autism: " I shall call him "Brutus"

Autism:  " I shall call him "Brutus"

There is a young man of about 25 who works at our local supermarket. I shall call him "Brutus".  Is his name really Brutus?  Of course not but it got you to read this blog.  Let's call him Sam.  

Sam works as a bagger and general helper at the supermarket.  He is a large young man.  Would have made a good linebacker in high school.  Sam is one of the hardest workers at the store.  Some of us understand Sam, and some do not.  Some stare and crunch up their faces with a questionable look.  Sam, of course, has autism. 

On any given day you will find Sam at the end of the checkout lane conversing with himself.  He has a vast knowledge of sports teams, knowing the dates they played, the score and the upcoming schedules of each team.  He has a habit of smacking his hands together with such force that the sound resonates through the supermarket.  I often wondered if this was a coping skill taught to him to use when he gets nervous or if it was a replacement given to him for a more offensive behavior.  Or maybe for him it is a sensory issue. 

One day as he was bagging I said "So Sam, how are you doing today?"  He immediately put down the item he was bagging and walked away.  Oh my god, I thought to myself, you scared him and he had to walk away to avoid reacting negatively to it.  Then the cashier told me " he won't touch pickles"..."if you buy a jar of pickles he won't bag it".  

I breathed an autism mom sigh of relief.  I was having an "I should have known better moment there for a bit".  

Sam will talk with anyone.  Usually you can hear him spotting folks in the market he knows.  He will call from two aisles over "Hello Mrs. Brandy Miller" "how are you today".  "Mrs Brandy Miller are you still working at the bank".  "Nice to see you Mrs. Brandy Miller" "ok" "talk to you soon".  The problem is, as I noticed today, sometimes the person to whom the greeting is directed, fails to respond.  I find this sad.  

Today as I entered the checkout line, Sam was in a different position from his usual "end of the checkout" bagger's spot.  Sam was a customer.  "Sam", I called.  "Are you doing your own shopping today?"

"Yes, I am, how are you today, thank you I'm doing very well" he replied.  Sam had a decent size cart of groceries.  

My curiosity was aroused.  

Today as he had his groceries rung up he conversed with the girl running the register. "Ashley, do you work tomorrow?"  "I work ten to two Ashely", "Do you work tomorrow Ashley?".  "Ashley I will see you tomorrow when I work ten to two." "Ashley, what hours do you work tomorrow?" 

I wondered if he was really doing actual shopping or a practice run. I perused the groceries he had selected.  Many juice boxes.  Jug of lemonade, ice tea and a bottle of vitamin water.  A link of some type of smoked sausage.  Two or three "lean cuisine" type dinners.  He bagged it himself in the "reusable" "keep it green" type of plastic shopping bags the store sells.    And two Sunday newspapers. The total $133.00.  

"I'm going to pay for my order in a minute Ashley". "Ashley I will pay for my order in a minute".  He fished his debit card from his wallet. "I'm gonna pay for my order Ashley".  His gaze changed to the computer screen that shows the total as the register records it. "Ashley how much was that newspaper?".  "It should be $1.75", he made note to the cashier. "The Carlisle paper is $2.00 and the Harrisburg paper is $1.75.?  The cashier was confused.  "There are TWO newspapers there." I pointed out to her.  Sam knew the prices of both and noticed that the register had only rung up the one on the bottom as she slid them over the scanner, since they were one on top of another.  "I'm gonna pay for my order now Ashley".  He slid his debit card through the machine, entered his code and announced "I'm gonna go put these in the car now Ashley", "I will see you when I work ten to two tomorrow, I will see you when you are working tomorrow Ashley". "Have a nice day Ashley, ok bye bye."

And he departed. 

I wanted to grab the lady behind me in line and shake her saying

"Did you see what Sam just did? He bought his own groceries and paid for them correctly.  He has a job, he earns his own money and he came in here unescorted and did his own shopping.  Do you understand what a great accomplishment that is?" But of course I could not.  It would take me hours to explain to the average person not aware of autism, how much work, bravery and fortitude it took for this young man to get to this point in his life.  My frozen foods would melt in the time it would take me to explain that a grocery store full of crying babies, "deli order # 23 ready" loudspeaker announcements and crowded aisles and a sea of colors can be a nightmare for our family members on the spectrum.  So, I smiled to myself for his achievement and paid for my own order.

As I exited the store, the idea crossed my mind that I would love to be able to speak with his parents.  I would love to ask them how they managed to teach him all they had that got him to this level of independence.  I scanned the parking lot hoping that perhaps he was still loading groceries into the car.  I swore to myself I would approach them and congratulate them and Sam for his job well done. 

But alas, he was gone.  

Every time I see Sam at work at the market I am reminded that I too have a son with autism.  I wonder can I teach him what he will need to know to at least reach this level of self sufficiency?  I suppose it will be one day at a time and one "jar of pickles" at a time.